the first sad thing.

I have been a dancer since I was 2 and a half years old. It was my absolute life. I was in a professional dance company last year in February when I cracked and herniated 3 discs in my lower back, from there I found out I had Degenerative Disc Disease. I was told by doctors to never dance again...
here is a poem thing about that experience I wrote months after it happened.

Letter To A Lover


Dear Dance,
I miss the way it feels to be moved by you
To think of you when a song comes on
To have you inside me
To have me inside you
I miss holding you in between my limbs and feeling your warm embrace
I miss the way we were on stage
Uninhibited and free
Every eye on us
But we didn't care.
We were comforted by the audience
And we were comforted by each other
It was okay to be a lunatic when I was with you
It's what made our love so beautiful
I miss you lifting my leg and arching my back
I miss the way I would breath while we were together.
You weren't always safe or secure
But you did always make me feel alive... and pure
When I was with you... I believed in God and Souls
I believed in myself and we had endless goals...
Together.
I miss the way you played with my hair
I miss the way we were different and all the secrets I could share with you
You know more about me than any other man or woman on this Earth
I miss the passion that we had together
I miss taking pictures with you
and going places with you
You never cared what I was wearing
And I never had to explain myself
And everything else disappeared..
or reappeared but in a more delicate light
I miss staying up late
and waking up early with you
I'm not mad at you for hurting me
it's not your fault.
Nothing can last forever
My back could only bend so far
and you could only love me back for so long
but I want you to know that I think about you every single day
and I yearn for your touch again
I know that I can still see you
In places where space allows
Thinking about you is painful
but You will always be apart of me
I'm just scared of you now
You hurt me so bad,
and so unexpectadly
I wasn't able to walk!!!
Where was all of your love then?
When I was told be a man in a white coat that I could never see you again
It was hard for me to breath
For Once in my life... I didn't cry.
I was in shock and breathless for months,.,.,.
It wasn't until I was laying in bed as few nights ago it hit me,
that you're gone and you don't even seem to miss me.
I've tried being with others on stage and it just isn't the same
I didn't have to talk to you
And all of my mistkaes made you love me more.
These other things don't come as easily,
it's not as natural,
it's not as real.
But I know I need to move on,
and find something else to love...
But it seems impossible.
Nothing can ever replace the way I felt with you.
You were my first love,
my only true love,
and I will miss you.